I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
