Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
