So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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