i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize