he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize