sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sex in a hospital.. check
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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