Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so let's talk penis.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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