my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize