Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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