I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
