this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
