she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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