my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
