As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every concussion has its silver lining
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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