ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
