Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
