judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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