Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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