just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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