At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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