So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
