I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
