he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
