fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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