U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
