SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
