I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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