I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
