What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize