I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
