chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
