There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
