I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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