Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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