im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
