if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
