Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
