Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i would punch a child for taco bell
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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