it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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