he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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