you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
