i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were destined to go to rehab together
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
