my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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