dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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