About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How does one acquire holy water?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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