bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
