I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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