white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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