I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
