your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
