were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
