You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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