I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
