How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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