just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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