I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
