I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
