Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize