I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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