PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I die, sorry about rent.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
