I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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