I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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