was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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