We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
