i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
