Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
