Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
